It's Ok to Say Farewell

Shonna discusses how it's ok to walk away from people who are not good for your life. She discusses how to distance yourself from those that are only bringing you down so that you can find the light in the darkness.

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to His Light in the Darkness podcast. I am Shauna Fontaine. I started this podcast inspired by a devotional that I wrote talking about depression, anxiety, grief, fear, worry, and addiction, basically to bring his light into the darkness. Today I'm going to talk about friends and how to get rid of the bad friends, the bad friends that are taking us down the bad roads, whether it be addiction, whether it be temptation, you know, I've learned in my years and even up to now how I need to curb what people are involved in my life. And it's difficult, I believe. And this is just from the outside. I do not have a problem with addiction, but I do have people in my life that I have watched, and um they're fighting with addiction and fight with trying to get away from the people that keep bringing them in. There was one, and he had done such a great job at recovery. I mean, I've said this before, but anyone who conquers addiction, my hat is off to you. I mean, I I've seen how hard it is to struggle, to fight, to get above that. And my my hat off to you, that is truly an accomplishment. So if you've accomplished addiction and you are in a good place, my applause to you. But I've seen these people who they're doing okay, they're getting along, they've got a good job, life is going good, and then the bad people come back in. And let's say that you've moved on with your life, you're married, you have kids, and then the bad friend comes back in and the temptation is there, and it's just hanging, you know, and you want to get rid of these friends, and you know, just tell them have a nice merry way. Please, you know, move on to the next person, getting rid of them in that way, saying farewell and having them on their path. But it's so hard to stand firm in who you are and having the guts to tell someone that they need to be on their way. I've had several people that I've seen in my life, you know, that I've had to say farewell to. And it may be one of those where it's pulling on your emotions, and you're like, okay, I really need to get this person like gone on their way down the road, but there's an emotional connection. Let's say that maybe you've been friends, you know, for years and years and years, or maybe it's a family member. And I'm not saying that family members aren't good, but you know, sometimes people say, Well, we're family. Well, in my experience, it's like just because you're family doesn't mean that it gives you a right to, you know, tell people what to do or take them down the bad road and say, Well, we're family. And that seems to be an excuse for a lot of people. And if they're bad people, even family, you got to cut the ties of, okay, well, I just can't be around you. I can't communicate with you, you know, and it's difficult, especially if you have people around you trying to give you the guilt trip. You know, I'm going to guilt you into communicating with this person that you know is bad for you. Or if other friends around you, why aren't you speaking to them? Why aren't you having them involved in your life? So you feel like you have to do it, even though you know everything about that situation, the friend. You know, maybe it's not taking you in temptation, temptation, but it's taking you to a place of a person that you don't like to be. You know, your reactions, maybe your actions while you're with them. Maybe you kind of follow in toe with what they're doing, or maybe your responses. You know, this is not you. You turn into a different person because you're reacting to that person. You're like, okay, I've got to get them, I've got to tell them to hit the road. And it's difficult to stand up for yourself. I know this from personal experience. I'm not that part. I'm not, I haven't suffered with addiction, but I have had many people I've had to push out of my life and say, you know, go down the road. And I can tell you that right now, I'm probably the happiest that I've ever been in my life. The happiest, the most calm, the most peaceful. And it's because I pushed all those people out. And it was a lot, a lot of people that I had to push out. But it takes a lot of courage, especially when you're giving given guilt trips. Oh, well, you should. And it's like, but going down that road of you should, it takes me to a bad side. You know, people just kind of look in from the outside. This is what you should do. Come live my life, come be in the moment. And then maybe their view would change and then they wouldn't be pushing you so much, you know. And it's hard, but it's something that it has to be done. If someone is taking you down, if you're spending time with someone who uh is insulting you, like I had one person in my life and I would do something positive. Oh, well, you know, it was always, uh, you did positive, but you know what, you should have done this instead. Or the words, which I absolutely just find a little comical, oh, I'm just worried about you because I love you. Hmm. So you're coming in and insulting me all the time, and you do not give me any praise if I've accomplished something amazing, and it's always negative. So, how is that you love me? How is that you care for me? Because if you're coming in and constantly ridiculing me and constantly telling me to change and constantly trying to degrade who I am or what I've accomplished, especially in public, you know, if it is in public, these are people that you need out of your life. And maybe you've been trying to be successful, you know, in mind, body, spirit. Maybe you're like, I'm so almost to the verge of, you know, success. I'm I'm working towards it. And then you have this person show up and they're there just to tear you apart. And you're like, you know, are you gonna speak up in that moment and say, no, you're wrong? You know what? I'm in a good place, and you need to go, you need to be on your way, you need to move on with life, and just don't contact me anymore. We're just we're done. And it may be really sad, and it may be someone you know close to you where you're going. I need to tell them to depart, but look at all these memories that we've had, or let's say it's a significant other that you know the relationship is just not good and you need to walk away. And I hear this a lot. Yeah, but we've been together for 20 years. Okay, um, sure, but if this is toxic or abusive, or you know, it's miserable and taking you down really bad roads, who cares how long it's been, you know, because I hear this, oh, it's been 15 years, Shauna. Okay, but you're like miserable or being taken advantage of or abused, or you know, all these different possibilities. And it's like, but it's been this many years. Okay. What you need to do is take care of you. And if it's something like that, then I would suggest counseling, you know, for the two of you. If that's something where you say, I put so many years in, I don't want to, you know, I need this person to be away from me for me to be successful in mind, body, spirit, uh, then try out uh, you know, some sort of counseling. Maybe that would work for you. But whatever it may be, you need to protect yourself. So those are just some of my thoughts. Just my encouragement would be keep the right people around you, keep positive people around you, and keep the people that are going to build you up and not tear you down. You know, keep those people around you because then I think that you can be successful in just being a good human being, being someone who can be better every day for yourself, for your family, for your kids, for society. And it's just a matter of standing strong and letting those people pass. I've said it in the past: if it is a situation where you are terrified, you know, if it's not a good situation, then you may want to contact organizations, um, local law enforcement, et cetera, if it's that sort of situation. Otherwise, well, just be strong. Pray that God would give you strength and focus on being the best person that you can possibly be. Well, that's all for today on this episode. I know it was pretty short, but I thought it was something important to talk about. Feel free to email me, his light in the darkness podcast at gmail.com. Like, follow, share, subscribe, and let's spread some of his light in the darkness. Thanks for joining me. See you next time.