I'm Done!

Shonna discusses the challenges of dealing with the emotions of being done with work, relationships, kids and life. She discusses ways to combat the emotions and find His light in the darkness.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to His Light in the Darkness podcast. I am Shauna Fontaine. I started this podcast inspired by a devotional that I wrote talking about depression, anxiety, grief, fear, worry, addiction, basically to bring his light in the darkness. Today we are going to talk about when you are finished. Finished with a relationship, finished with dealing with your kids, finished with what you consider life. And how do you get past it? So obviously, all of us have been through difficult times, some more than others, and some of us know how to deal with emotions a little better. It doesn't mean that anybody is lacking if you don't recover quickly. It's just that personalities are different and everyone has pros and cons. You know, nobody's perfect. But we get to a point where you're pushed to the limit, you know, whether you're dealing with a relationship of a spouse, a friend, family, and you're just finished. You can't do anymore. You have no more energy to put into it. And I've been there before, including with family, where I'm just, I'm done. I don't have the energy. You know, I need to concentrate on my life and trying to be the best person that I can be, not only for my husband, but my son, future grandkids, etc. And it's okay to put yourself first when it comes to things like that, when people just want to leech off of your energy, leech off of you, and take advantage of what position you may hold in their life. But it could be that, you know, you're having a difficult time at work, or maybe you just suffer with depression and everything keeps piling one on top of each other, and you feel like you're just you're done. And when you get to that point, it's you have to look at not what society is. So, for example, a lot of us have pressures of society. This is how I'm supposed to act, this is how I'm supposed to be, this is how it's supposed to happen. But living by the expectations of society is what can keep us down the most. So that's where I pray a lot. You know, if I feel like I'm being overwhelmed or I need to get back on track of what is my purpose, what is my purpose in life? What am I supposed to be doing? I will pray and ask for God's guidance, you know, get out of the noise of the world that everybody wants to judge you, right? People love to judge. I always think it's funny. I mean, and everybody's guilty of it. Nobody is not guilty of judging in some aspect of their life. But I always say, let's look in the mirror first, you know, which is something that I try to do. If I feel like I've messed up on something or I could have done something better, I look in the mirror and go, okay, what do I need to change? You know, because it starts with us, right? Internal being happy instead of looking at other people and saying, well, the reason why I'm not succeeding is because of them or because of the situation or because of that. Yeah, it can detour you, but this is where you need to find your strength, your inner strength, and what you want to be in this world and how you want to, let's say you're, you know, not in the limelight. Well, Shauna, I have a small life. There's not a lot of people in my life. Yeah, but what people are there? You know, what effect can you have on them? Like grandkids, friends, kids, and what are you doing, you know, to make you better or possibly impact them positively? So when you get to that point of I'm done, what's the point? That's when you change your focus. You know, maybe you're concentrating too much on the job work. Oh, well, it's not fair. I didn't get this, I didn't get the race, I didn't, you know, my coworker doesn't like me. We've all been there, right? At least most of us have been there. And it's just something that is part of life. You just have to live with, you gotta roll with the punches, and don't let it take over your mind, your thoughts, um, your strength. You know, you have to keep that strength, keep going. And when they say let it roll off your shoulders, and some people are very emotional and say, What do you mean? I can't let it roll off my shoulders. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this happened, this happened, this happened. But you need to step away. Step away emotionally from that scenario and go, okay, well, let's look at how I can just do my job better. Or who do you encounter at your job? Do you have co-workers that you know enjoy seeing you, depend on you, look for you, you know, look to you for advice. And you need to change your focus of this is horrible, to how can I make it better? Or go searching for a new job. I found a lot of people who have been complaining about jobs, right? I don't like my job. I don't like my job. I hate my job. I hate my boss. Then go search for something that's going to make you happy. And you may say, well, this area, I just it's not in the cards here for you. Then find a hobby that's gonna bring you joy. You gotta look to see what is there for you to change your focus. And I know that the last episode that we talked about, it's okay to push people out, and it is. Sometimes by society standards, you are supposed to keep people in your life, you know. Oh, why aren't you speaking to them? Because they're not good for my life, you know. It's like they're not good for me, so why am I talking to them? Why am I keeping them in the inner circle if they're not good for your life? I had to explain to some people because I pushed people out of my life that were very negative. And since then, my life has been very positive, and I'm able to concentrate on how to make my life go forward as opposed to the drama that they always want to bring in. They always want to bring in drama, and I don't like drama. So it's okay to push people out of your life, even if society is going, no, you have to keep them, you have to have them in your life. No, you don't. You know, I'm not saying kick out the people that are good to you, and that you're just like, eh, she said to kick them out. No, I'm talking about the people that bring you down, that deliberately try to make your life difficult. And you don't necessarily have to cut people out completely. I have because it's just me, better for me, and I'm able to be a better person for my husband and my son and you know, close friends, because I don't have that negativity. And you may be at the end because people are telling you things. You know, you got these people over here, they're giving you opinions, they're telling you what you're doing wrong, they're telling you what's wrong with your life. And it's like, you know, if they took that energy and concentrated on themselves as opposed to pointing it towards you, well, one, maybe their life would be better, and two, you would be able to concentrate on more important things. It's that negativity that can control some people. And I understand, okay. I I had people in my life for a very long time who like to manipulate and drama and lots of energy, just even in a conversation. And if you have those people in your life, it's okay not to answer the phone. Oh, but Shauna, this is their role in you know, your life. Okay, but there's nothing written down in some law that I have to keep these people in my life or keep them entertained by sharing your life. So I think that's a big thing of when people get to the point of I don't want any more, you know, it's because you're listening to that negativity or allowing it to sit on your mind, which sinks in, you know, if that's all you hear over and over and over, or drama or people trying to, you know, bring you down, you tend to start sinking. That's why I say you gotta cut them out and try to move on, because then you're gonna see the light, you're gonna be more apt to trying to find a positive, you know, in the world. And if you're a parent and I, you know, those that have um child or children with disabilities and they have to carry full-time jobs and they're trying to take care of them, you know, and you're at the end saying, I just can't anymore, I don't have anymore. I know that there are some organizations that you can reach out to. I realize that it's, you know, you may say, uh, nobody wants to help, which I totally believe. And that's when you have to sit in that silent time and try to relax your mind. This is where I say that prayer time is so, so important because you can sit with God and tell him, I just I don't have energy. I don't have energy to be what I need to be. Like if you have a child with disabilities, I need to be this, I need to take care of my kid, I need to work, I need to provide an income, you know, and it's a snowball onto you. And that's where in my experience, now my son did not have that, but you know, there have been trials throughout my life. I sit in silence with God and pray. You know, one God calm me, God bring me clarity, comfort me, and please guide me as to what I'm supposed to do, who I could reach out to to help out, where do I go from here? And it's that quiet time with God, I think, that centers us the most because the world, chaos, always chaos, always noise, right? Always. But when you sit with God, he knows the problems. But I feel, I mean, I can't speak for God because I'm not God, but I feel that when we come to him and say, I need your help, it's not that he's not helping, you know, because he opens doors all the time. But as we know, belief in him is a choice. You can choose free will, believe or not believe. And I think when opportunities arise, doors open, it's up to us to take that step to positive. You know, God has given me many blessings, opened many doors for me throughout my life. And people always ask me, you know, you're successful, you're doing this, you're doing that, you're always doing something. It's like, but God opens the doors and I take the step. I hear a lot of people, and this has been throughout my life, you know, I wish my life would change, I wish this, I wish that. And it's like, hey, you've got this opportunity, door just opened. This is amazing. You can go do this. And then they say, Oh, well, I don't know. You know, if the opportunities arise and it's a good opportunity, now I always say, if God closes a door, it means there must be something down the road that's not good, right? He's protecting you from something like that. But if a door opens and you can move forward and do something amazing with your life and you sit still, you know, you're passing up on something great by choice. And I know that's sometimes hard for people to hear, but in your situation, are you having opportunities where you're choosing not to take them? Because if that's the case, you need to totally readjust how you see things and take grasp those opportunities. I talk about I'm in my dream place, you know, uh, I'm 50, just turned 50. And it took until now to be in my dream place. I didn't sit, I didn't, you know, twiddle my thumbs, I didn't just give up. I worked and I worked. And if there was a roadblock, I detoured, I went somewhere else. Would I have liked to be in my dream place earlier? Sure. But you can't look back on the past and say, Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish, because that's not going to get you anywhere. I mean, that's not gonna get you anywhere. That is just wasting time if you're complaining. I hear a lot of people complain, you know, throughout my life, and I would always ask them, okay, but how can we change it? How can you change it? How can you redirect your energy somewhere else? And so that's how people look at me. You wonder why I'm successful, or you wonder why I'm happy. It's because I didn't sit and I didn't wait when the opportunities arose. Now, obviously, God puts a path in our way, and sometimes our plans are delayed, rightly so. But I'm talking about sitting and waiting when the opportunity is literally staring you in the face, and then you say, I wish I would have done this, I just don't understand why it's not happening again. It may happen again, but you have to be ready to take the step. You have to be ready to move forward because if you're not taking those steps and you're not moving forward, then what are you? Oh, you know, where's your mindset? You're saying life isn't fair. Well, I hear some people change it, and you go, how am I supposed to change it? So with me, I do a lot of things, you know. I'm a massage therapist, I teach massage education, I am an enrolled agent, which is I do taxes, tax representation, tax planning, I am an author, I'm a screenwriter, I'm a director, I'm a producer, I'm a singer, I'm a songwriter, you know, all these things. And it's because I wanted to do something. And so if my path wasn't going one way, hey, what do I like to do? You know, you find a hobby, you find something that you're good at. And then I heard somebody the other day say, I hate my job. Well, most of America hates their jobs. It's not like they go in there celebrating, saying, Woo, look what I get to do. Most of America do not like the current jobs and rarely are in the job that they went to college for. You know, that's just facts. So if you're in, let's say, a bad job and Sean, I just can't handle anymore. Find something, find a hobby, find a group, you know, maybe some sort of support group where you can put that energy and that focus, you know, keep your head down, do your job. That's what I did whenever I was in jobs that I didn't like. And yeah, I've had jobs that I didn't like, but you gotta pay the bills, right? You gotta survive. So if you're in that place where you just want to quit, I'm just done. And this is a job. Find a hobby. If you're, you know, dealing with your kids and maybe they're older, maybe they're drug addicts, or maybe they just constantly asking you for something. Find something that makes you happy. And you know, if they are adults and you have to say no, well, that's just they have to deal with it, and that's life. That's facts. That's just growing up. But don't let things pull you down to where you're done. There's always a light, always. No matter what the situation, there's always a light. Right? His light in the darkness, God's light in the darkness. But there's always a positive to everything, it's a matter of finding it. So you may say this whole situation is horrible, and I just I can't anymore, everything's done. But you're listening to this podcast, so that's a positive that can direct you to a positive to do something positive, you know? So it's trying to find, trying to alter how you're thinking, trying to change your focus of what is going to bring you down. Why are you at the end? If you're in that negative mindset, you're gonna stay there. That's why I say if there's people that are in your life that are taking you down, push them out. You know, it's get away from that negativity because you gotta break free, you gotta break the chains. If you're in something like maybe you were trafficked, and you know, you have all those memories and you just don't feel like there's a way out. That's when I would say that's the time that you need to sit with God the most, because then you can feel renewed in your spirit, you can feel God's love, God's comfort. I mean, you know, the human mind, the human body, human relationships can only go so far because we're human, right? But the time that you can spend with God in quiet where you can um connect with him, where you can feel his spirit, those are the times that I feel the most rejuvenated through everything that I've been through with my life. And my book Skeletons, that kind of covers some of it. If you read it, you'll understand. But it that's when you get the most is sitting in God's presence, no noise, you know, no music around you, it's just quiet talking to Him. The chaos of the world, phone is off, you know, computers off, nobody's there, it's just you and God. And that is in my life the most amazing inspiring, encouraging time. So that's why I say that. I mean, there's nothing like it. And then you come out of it, you know, spending that time and say, I'm ready to face the world. I'm rejuvenated, I have the energy, I have the energy to go on to fight. Fight the good fight. And I'm not talking about physical fighting, talking about the emotional fighting within yourself. But that's my inspiration for you today. My encouragement is when you're at the end, look for his light. Look for the positive, look for something to do, look for hobbies, looking f look for something, you know, to inspire someone. Don't just sit stagnant in your emotions, don't sit stagnant in your negativity, move forward because that's the time where you can say, Hey, I I did it, I accomplished it, I moved on. Don't be the one that's there's nothing more. You sit in that negativity, and I promise it will keep you down for life. Break free, break the chains of the negative thoughts, break the chains of those bringing you down and find his light in the darkness. If you have any stories to share, maybe you want to be on the podcast, you can email us at his light in the darkness podcast at gmail.com. And make sure to like, share, subscribe, you know, get uh the word out about his light in the darkness. We'll see you next time.